An Infinite Moment

One of the things that Buddhist mediation emphasizes is the acceptance of Impermanence, that everything changes, begins and ends, is created and destroyed.  When you first mediate, you open you mind and just let your thoughts wander, let feelings come and go – allow yourself just to be in that moment.

But the moments of grief don’t come and go easily.  Grief doesn’t roll of your back, it doesn’t flow like water over smooth stone – it doesn’t move.  It’s like an infinite moment, you’re transfixed in that feeling and the memory replays over and over. And it never goes away so long as you remember – or until a new grief takes it place (but it’s still there).

I’ve already said I wasn’t a very good Buddhist, so I’m probably giving into grief more than I should. And then I think that maybe it’s because I don’t want to let go – to let those memories fade, to forget as a result of moving on.  The memories are laden with as much grief as they are with joy.

I would rather suffer the grief than to forget the joy – but, that too is impermanence, the accepting of the imperfect.  I miss my dog.


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